The New Sports Bar

By Vince Leona

Every Sunday men leave the house bright and early to watch a full day of football, but they aren’t going to the usual place to watch. Sports bars, and buddies houses used to be the place to watch the game, but they have been replaced by strip clubs. I guess it makes sense. Where else can you watch the game, eat, hang with your buddies, and see beautiful naked women? Strip clubs done right can be the ultimate playground for both single and married men. I recently interviewed a Tampa strip club owner named Jacob who plans on opening the greatest Sports Bar Strip Club in the country.

VL: So tell me about this place.

J: This is a Strip Club mixed with Sports bar fusion! We are taking the good from both and creating a wonderland.

VL: What makes this place different?

J: We are eliminating the sleaziness from the strip club, and adding the fun of the sports bar. This is a full out sports bar. 50 huge HD screens, wired with concert sound, and the most badass stage in the country. Guys can eat wings, watch the game, and get a lap dance all at the same time. This is the place I always wanted to go to as a teenager. Since it didn’t exist, I created it.

VL: Hot wings and naked girls, why didn’t I think of that?

J: Ha! Well I am not saying that I am a visionary. I took something and made it better. I am like the pimp my ride guys.

VL: Tell me about your plans for Fantasy Football drafts next season, from what I heard it sounds amazing.

J: We are really excited about this! We are going to have draft parties with your own personal topless waitress. Also in between picks, you can get lap dances from our beautiful girls. Like I said, we are taking this thing to a new level. We want this to be a mind blowing experience. No sleazy guys in sweat pants sitting alone in the corner. This is the hangout spot of your dreams! Bring the whole crew, and there will be something for everyone. Also we are going to have 5 pool tables, darts, Golden Tee, and poker tournaments.

VL: Tell me about these poker tournaments. That sounds like fun!

J: We are the only club in the country that will give the eliminated players a lap dance! Of course you can get massages and dances anytime during the tournament, but when you get eliminated, the first dance is on us!

VL: I picture guys going all in just to get the free lap dance!

J: That is a funny visual! All we want is to make this place the only destination for groups of guys.

VL: How about the ladies, how do they fit in?

J: One thing I know about women is that when there is something cool going on, they show up. Believe me they will be there. This place will blow your bind.

VL: Well I disagree with your statement early. I think you ARE a visionary! You are doing God’s work sir.

J: (Laughs) thanks! See you next year.