The New Sports Bar

By Vince Leona

Every Sunday men leave the house bright and early to watch a full day of football, but they aren’t going to the usual place to watch. Sports bars, and buddies houses used to be the place to watch the game, but they have been replaced by strip clubs. I guess it makes sense. Where else can you watch the game, eat, hang with your buddies, and see beautiful naked women? Strip clubs done right can be the ultimate playground for both single and married men. I recently interviewed a Tampa strip club owner named Jacob who plans on opening the greatest Sports Bar Strip Club in the country.

VL: So tell me about this place.

J: This is a Strip Club mixed with Sports bar fusion! We are taking the good from both and creating a wonderland.

VL: What makes this place different?

J: We are eliminating the sleaziness from the strip club, and adding the fun of the sports bar. This is a full out sports bar. 50 huge HD screens, wired with concert sound, and the most badass stage in the country. Guys can eat wings, watch the game, and get a lap dance all at the same time. This is the place I always wanted to go to as a teenager. Since it didn’t exist, I created it.

VL: Hot wings and naked girls, why didn’t I think of that?

J: Ha! Well I am not saying that I am a visionary. I took something and made it better. I am like the pimp my ride guys.

VL: Tell me about your plans for Fantasy Football drafts next season, from what I heard it sounds amazing.

J: We are really excited about this! We are going to have draft parties with your own personal topless waitress. Also in between picks, you can get lap dances from our beautiful girls. Like I said, we are taking this thing to a new level. We want this to be a mind blowing experience. No sleazy guys in sweat pants sitting alone in the corner. This is the hangout spot of your dreams! Bring the whole crew, and there will be something for everyone. Also we are going to have 5 pool tables, darts, Golden Tee, and poker tournaments.

VL: Tell me about these poker tournaments. That sounds like fun!

J: We are the only club in the country that will give the eliminated players a lap dance! Of course you can get massages and dances anytime during the tournament, but when you get eliminated, the first dance is on us!

VL: I picture guys going all in just to get the free lap dance!

J: That is a funny visual! All we want is to make this place the only destination for groups of guys.

VL: How about the ladies, how do they fit in?

J: One thing I know about women is that when there is something cool going on, they show up. Believe me they will be there. This place will blow your bind.

VL: Well I disagree with your statement early. I think you ARE a visionary! You are doing God’s work sir.

J: (Laughs) thanks! See you next year.

Adult Virtual Toys – The Next Big Trend

By Vince Leona

The normal way people pleasure themselves with Adult Toys is about to change. We are always looking for something that makes it feel more real. We are always looking for that next big thing. Well according to Brandon McNeil a Computer Engineer from Tampa, the future is here! Brandon has developed a new technology that can use the same technology that video game consoles have been using for years to give you an almost life like sexual experience. I talked to Brandon about his new venture.

VL: So you have created the ultimate Adult Toy. Tell me about it.

BM: Well it’s not technically a toy. It is an experience like no other before. Have you ever seen the Aerosmith “Amazing” video where a guy had virtual sex with Alicia Silverstone?

VL: Yes that is one of my favorite videos of all time!

BM: Basically that is what I have created.

VL: So tell me, how does it work?

BM: We put sensors on your body that sends vibrations all over that give you the feeling of actually having sex. Think of it as surround sound. With 4 sensors, we are able to bring pleasure to the entire body. It is truly a revolutionary way to have fun by yourself.

VL: Explain to me how you came up with this technology.

BM: In graduate school, I was doing a thesis on soothing a bad back. While creating that vibration technology, I noticed that it created a lot of sensation not only in the back, but everywhere. I tweaked a few things, and here I am now selling the greatest Adult Toy ever made.

VL: How does your mom feel about this?

BM: She loves it! My parents have always been very liberal, and very open about their sexuality. She actually used it, and loves it. As you can see, I do not come from an uptight family. We are about to sign a deal with a very famous Adult film star, and she will be the face of this product. We expect to make 5 million dollars next year.

VL: How much is the product, and what are your margins?

BM: They will retail for $199, and I am making about an 80% margin on each one. Creating the technology was the expensive part. Manufacturing these will actually be relatively cheap. We are keeping it affordable, but it’s definitely not a low end product. We are the greatest product on the market, with a mid-level price point.

VL: Wow that is great! As you know, sex sells.

BM: I wish I would have known that a long time ago. I have been trying to create all kinds of different products, and none have hit. My first venture into the Adult Toy and sex industry has been a huge success.

VL: What advice would you give to kids in College looking to create the next great product?

BM: Exactly what you just said! Sex Sells!!